趣味英語(yǔ)笑話
1、 I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒(méi)有睡著
當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒!”
“我沒(méi)有睡著。”那個(gè)男人回答。
“沒(méi)睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”
2、The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的。”
3、
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg
ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
瞌睡者
牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋�(gè)人在他說(shuō)教時(shí)打瞌睡。一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺(jué)。于是他低聲對(duì)信徒們說(shuō)：“想去天堂的人，都請(qǐng)站起來(lái)吧。”所有的人都站了起來(lái)——當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的人。在低聲說(shuō)過(guò)請(qǐng)坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來(lái)�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊希鷼獾目粗�。這個(gè)人說(shuō)道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們?cè)谶x什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”
4、A Smart Housewife.
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"
精明的家庭主婦
一位精明的家庭主婦聽(tīng)人說(shuō)有一種爐子用起來(lái)可以比她現(xiàn)在用的爐子省一半的.煤。她聽(tīng)了大為興奮，說(shuō)：“那太好了!一個(gè)爐子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我買兩個(gè)爐子的話，不就可以把煤全都省下來(lái)了嗎?”
5、
THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."
某學(xué)校發(fā)給學(xué)生的健康調(diào)查表里有個(gè)錯(cuò)別字——把“性別”的“性”字寫成了“襪”字。一位母親在為她的兒子填寫表格時(shí)，在“襪別”的那欄填上了：“棕色為主。”
[注] 英語(yǔ)中sex(性)與sox(襪)只有一個(gè)字母之差。
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