英文的笑話（精選11個(gè)）

　　會(huì)講笑話的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁癥的可能性就大為減少，接下來一起來看看爆笑英文的笑話大全，看看你的幽默指數(shù)吧!

　　英文的笑話 1

　　Elisa:How do you make a tissue dance

　　Bob:How?

　　Elisa:put a little boogie in it!

　　英文的笑話 2

　　A man comes to dinner at a new friends house. While they eat, the new friends small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"

　　The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."

　　"I am."

　　"Well, why did you make yourself like that?"

　　英文的笑話 3

　　Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnnys not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

　　英文的笑話 4

　　It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the childrens sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward.

　　One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

　　The little girl replied, directly into the pastors clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says its hell to iron."

　　英文的笑話 5

　　Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room .

　　強(qiáng)尼因?yàn)椴还跃捅悔s進(jìn)他的房間。

　　After a while emerged and informed his mother that he had thought over and then said a prayer .

　　過了一會(huì)兒。他就出來跟他的媽媽說他已緩!徹底反省，而且事后禱告了。

　　"Fine",said the pleased mother.

　　滿心歡喜的媽媽說：“很好，

　　"If you ask God to help you not misbehave,He will help you."

　　如果你求上帝幫勘你不要不乖，她就會(huì)幫助你�！�

　　"Oh,I didnt ask Him to help me not misbehave,"said Johnny.

　　強(qiáng)尼說："哦，我沒有求她幫助我不要不乖;

　　"I asked him to help you put up with me."

　　我求它幫助你來忍受我�！�

　　英文的.笑話 6

　　不必付錢!

　　Driving through the hill country of Texas，just north of San Antonio，we watched the sky turn a brilliant orange at sunset. At my wifes pleading，we stopped and walked up a hill，which turned out to be the top of a cliff. Before us lay the picturesque postcard setting we had been looking for

　　during all our vacation. Below was a large green valley circled by hills. Exhilarated by the tangerine sky, long shadows，and a slight breeze carrying the scent of green grass，my wife suddenly shouted:“Thank you，Mother Nature，for so much beautyl”

　　開車經(jīng)過德克薩斯州的山丘地帶，也就是圣·安扎尼奧的正北。在黃昏時(shí)，我們看到天空中出現(xiàn)了一道道金色的光芒。在老婆喲請(qǐng)求下，我們停了車，來到了小山坡土。這里正好是懸崖的頂端，在我們面前展現(xiàn)出了一種名信片上的景色。這正是我們整個(gè)假期都在尋找的地方。山坡下是一片群山環(huán)抱的綠色山谷，橙色的天空，一片片綠草地。一陣微風(fēng)吹過來，送來了一陣草的芳香。我老婆突然喊到:“謝謝你，大自然的毋親，感謝你給我們這么美麗的'風(fēng)景�！�

　　Then, a distant voice was heard from across the valley:"No charge!”

　　接著，從遠(yuǎn)處山谷的那一邊傳來了一聲，“不要付錢了。”

　　英文的笑話 7

　　兩全齊美

　　Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".

　　一天清晨，我隔壁的鄰居在用一個(gè)電動(dòng)剪修機(jī)修草坪。當(dāng)他干到一半兒的`時(shí)侯，另一個(gè)鄰居也來了。他仍穿著睡衣，手里拿著他自家的電動(dòng)剪修機(jī)，說是來幫忙的。這個(gè)要求當(dāng)然不會(huì)被拒絕了�；罡赏陼r(shí)，我那位受益的都居對(duì)他表示了謝意，還評(píng)論說:“這才是真正的部居�！�

　　"Dont mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"

　　另一個(gè)鄰居卻說:“不用客氣。我算了一下，幫你一個(gè)忙，可以節(jié)省一半時(shí)間，然后我還能回去睡覺�！�

　　英文的笑話 8

　　因禍得福

　　Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.

　　我母親是日本人，她已在美國生活了55年了，但是，她仍沒完全適應(yīng)這異國的文化。當(dāng)她偶爾去一次大城市，這種不適應(yīng)就顯得更明顯了。

　　One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise were going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."

　　一天，她在洛杉磯上了一輛會(huì)共汽車。她取出5元的`紙幣把它塞進(jìn)了收幣機(jī)，然后，她仲出手等著找錢.由于收幣機(jī)不能接收紙幣，所以司機(jī)大聲地吼道:“好了，太大，如果

　　你能把那紙幣取出來，你今天乘車就免費(fèi)。否則，我們只好拆機(jī)器了�！�

　　My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.

　　我母親猶豫了一會(huì)兒，然后打開她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把錢夾了出來。她面帶著笑容找了個(gè)空座位坐下了。

　　英文的笑話 9

　　guardian angle守護(hù)天使

　　A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:

　　有一名男子正走在街上的時(shí)候聽到一個(gè)聲音：

　　"Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

　　“停!站住不要?jiǎng)映蚩诠�你再走一步，就�?huì)有一個(gè)磚塊掉到你的頭上砸死你。”

　　The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

　　這名男子停住了，一個(gè)大磚塊就掉在他的面前。

　　The man was astonished .

　　這名男子非常驚訝。

　　He went on,and after a while he was going to cross the road.

　　他繼續(xù)向前走：不久后，他要穿越馬路。

　　Once again the voice shouted;

　　那個(gè)聲音再次叫說：

　　Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."

　　“停!站住不要?jiǎng)�，如果你再走一步，就�?huì)有一輛汽車輾過你，你就會(huì)死掉�！�

　　The man did as he was instructed,這名男子因?yàn)樵�被指示過，所以就照著做，just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him.

　　此時(shí)正好有一輛汽車左搖右晃地沖過轉(zhuǎn)角處，差一點(diǎn)撞上他。

　　"Where are you? " the man asked,"Who are you? "

　　這名男子問說：“你在哪里?你是誰?”

　　"I am your guardian angle," the voice answered.

　　這個(gè)聲音回答說：“我是你的.守護(hù)天使�！�”

　　"Oh yeah?" the man asked."And where the hell were you when I got married?"

　　這名男子問說：“喔，是嗎?那我結(jié)婚的時(shí)候：你死到哪里去了?”

　　英文的笑話 10

　　購物

　　Our supermarket had a sald on boneless chicken breasts,and a woman I know ontended to stock up .

　　我們的超級(jí)市，場在廉價(jià)拍賣無骨雞胸，我認(rèn)識(shí)的某位女士打算去多買一些。

　　At the store,However,she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portopns of the poultry,

　　然而，到了這家肉店的時(shí)候她感到很失望，因?yàn)橹徽业揭稽c(diǎn)點(diǎn)事先就包裝好的雞肉，

　　so she complained to the butcher.

　　所以她就向這位肉店老板抱怨。

　　"dont worry,lady," he said.

　　他說：“小姐，別擔(dān)心，

　　"I will pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

　　我會(huì)替你多包幾盤，在你買完東西的時(shí)候把它們準(zhǔn)備好。”

　　Several aisles later ,my friend heard the butchers voice boom over th public-address system:

　　逛完幾個(gè)走道之后，我的朋友聽到肉店老板的聲音透過公共廣播系統(tǒng)隆隆地說

　　"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store?"

　　“那位想要大胸部的'小姐請(qǐng)到本店后方來見我好嗎?”

　　英文的笑話 11

　　Why me lord主啊為什么是我

　　A man was wandering around in a field ,有名男子在田野里徘徊

　　thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her,心里想著他的'老婆對(duì)他有多么好，他多么幸運(yùn)擁有她。

　　He asked God,"Why did you make her so kind hearted?"

　　他問上帝：“你為什么要把她造得這么心地善良?”

　　The Lord responded,"So you could love her ,my son."

　　主響應(yīng)說：“我兒呀，這樣你就會(huì)愛她呀�！�

　　"Why did you make her so good looking?"

　　“你為什么要把她造得這么貌美呢?”

　　"So you could love her,my son ."

　　“我兒呀，這樣你就會(huì)愛她呀。”

　　"Why did you make her such a good cook?"

　　“你為什么要把她造成一個(gè)很會(huì)做飯菜的人呢?”

　　"So you could love her,my son."

　　“我兒呀，這樣你就會(huì)愛她呀�！�

　　The man thought about this.

　　這名男子想了一下這件事。

　　Then he said ," I dont mean to seem ungrateful or anything,but,why did you make her so stupid? "

　　然后他說:“我并不是有意好像我不知好歹，或是什么的,可是，你為什么把她造得這么笨?”

　　"So she could love you,my son."

　　“ 我兒呀，這樣她就會(huì)愛你呀。”

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