英語(yǔ)笑話段子

時(shí)間：2023-07-06 13:31:10 賽賽英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

英語(yǔ)笑話段子（精選15個(gè)）

　　笑話也可以是指以一句短語(yǔ)或一個(gè)小故事，讓說(shuō)話者和聽(tīng)者之間覺(jué)得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個(gè)行動(dòng)動(dòng)作型的笑話是以動(dòng)作影響人的視覺(jué)及觀感而感到開(kāi)心好笑。以下是小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話段子，希望對(duì)大家有所幫助。

英語(yǔ)笑話段子（精選15個(gè)）

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子 1

　　1、An Exact Number 準(zhǔn)確數(shù)字

　　A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur(恐龍) bones lying about.

　　How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

　　Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

　　How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.

　　Well, replied the guide, a geologist(地質(zhì)學(xué)家) came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

　　一位游客在新墨西哥游覽，他對(duì)隨處可見(jiàn)的恐龍化石甚感驚奇。

　　這些化石有多長(zhǎng)的歷史?游客問(wèn)一個(gè)上了年紀(jì)的當(dāng)?shù)孛绹?guó)人，他是作向?qū)У摹?/p>

　　整整十億零三年了。

　　你怎么這么肯定?游客問(wèn)道。

　　哦，向?qū)Щ卮鸬�，一個(gè)地質(zhì)學(xué)家來(lái)過(guò)這兒，他告訴我說(shuō)這些化石有十億年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。

　　2、Do You Know My Work 你知道我是干嘛的嗎

　　One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

　　Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

　　Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People dont think of money when theyre afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.

　　You dont know my work, said the other.

　　What is your work?

　　Im a policeman.

　　Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.

　　Im a writer. Im always telling stories about things that never happened.

　　一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡衣就跑了出來(lái)。

　　兩個(gè)人站在外面，看著大火。

　　在我出來(lái)之前，其中一個(gè)說(shuō)，我跑進(jìn)一些房間，找到了一大筆錢(qián)。人在恐懼中是不會(huì)想到錢(qián)的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會(huì)把它燒成灰燼，所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了，沒(méi)有人會(huì)因?yàn)槲夷米咚鼈兌兊酶F。

　　你不知道我是干什么的，另一個(gè)說(shuō)。

　　你是干什么的?

　　我是警察。

　　噢!第一個(gè)人喊了一聲，他靈機(jī)一動(dòng)，說(shuō)：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察說(shuō)。

　　我是個(gè)作家，我總是愛(ài)編一些從未發(fā)生過(guò)的故事。

　　3、The Nice Wedding Gift

　　We attended the wedding of an acquaintances son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

　　漂亮的'結(jié)婚禮物

　　我們參加了一個(gè)熟人的兒子的婚禮。由于我們都不認(rèn)識(shí)那個(gè)年輕人和他的新娘，所以我們決定送給他們一個(gè)實(shí)用的全家禮----一個(gè)滅火器。很明顯，這對(duì)新人大批量制作了他們的感謝信，因?yàn)槲覀兪盏搅艘粡埧ㄆ�，上面�?xiě)著：“非常感謝您的漂亮的結(jié)婚禮物，我們期待著不久就用到它。”

　　4、Excuse for Speeding

　　Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

　　"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

　　"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"

　　趕緊到達(dá)那里

　　哈里與勞埃德超速行駛，一輛警車(chē)攔住了他們。

　　“你們?yōu)槭裁撮_(kāi)那么快?”警官喊道。

　　“我們的剎車(chē)不好，因此我們想在發(fā)生事故前趕緊到達(dá)目的地�！�

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子 2

　　1.I Wasnt Asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasnt asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我沒(méi)有睡著

　　當(dāng)一群婦女上車(chē)之后，車(chē)上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒！”

　　“我沒(méi)有睡著。”那個(gè)男人回答。

　　“沒(méi)睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車(chē)上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�

　　2.The poor husband

　　"You cant imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　可憐的丈夫

　　“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的`答案是錯(cuò)的�！盬here is the father?

　　3.Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒？

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀！”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

　　哥哥想了會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”

　　4.Does the dog know the proverb, too?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"Its all right," said a gentleman, "dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎？

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”

　　5.一 Can we have our teacher back？

　　Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"

　　能讓我們的老師回去嗎？

　　有一次，一位督學(xué)去視察一個(gè)只有三間教室的學(xué)校。一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學(xué)抓住其中一個(gè)正在站著說(shuō)話的人，把他帶進(jìn)另一間教室，并讓他站在墻角。五分鐘以后，一個(gè)小男孩從第一間教室走進(jìn)來(lái)，問(wèn)道，“您什么時(shí)候能讓我們的老師回去呢？”

　　6. Whos More Polite?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　誰(shuí)更有禮貌？

　　一個(gè)胖子和一個(gè)瘦子在爭(zhēng)論誰(shuí)更有禮貌。瘦子說(shuō)他更有禮貌，因?yàn)樗?jīng)常對(duì)女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認(rèn)為他更有風(fēng)度，因?yàn)闊o(wú)論什么時(shí)候他在車(chē)上給別人讓座時(shí)，總有兩位女士能坐下。

　　7. Expensive Price

　　Dentist: Im sorry, madam, but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　昂貴的代價(jià)

　　牙科醫(yī)生：對(duì)不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？

　　牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子 3

　　1、Very Pleased to Meet You

　　During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

　　One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

　　Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

　　Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

　　"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

　　"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

　　"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

　　在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營(yíng)中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營(yíng)中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

　　一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說(shuō)，“我明天就要出國(guó)，但如果我們能夠相互寫(xiě)信，我會(huì)很高興�！杯偼饬�，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通著信。

　　后來(lái)，他再?zèng)]有來(lái)信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

　　瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我來(lái)看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�

　　“這里只有親屬可以探望病人�！弊o(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)。

　　“噢，是的，”瓊說(shuō)，“我是他的妹妹�！�

　　“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我是他的母親�！�

　　2、Two Soldiers

　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

　　Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

　　Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

　　Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

　　George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

　　"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

　　軍營(yíng)里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問(wèn)：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

　　比爾說(shuō)：“有�！比缓蟀研偶埡托欧饨o了喬治。

　　喬治又說(shuō)：“我還沒(méi)有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開(kāi)始寫(xiě)信。寫(xiě)完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問(wèn)：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。

　　這時(shí)比爾站起來(lái)，向門(mén)口走去。喬治問(wèn)：“你要出去嗎?”

　　比爾說(shuō)：“是的�！彪S即打開(kāi)了門(mén)。

　　喬治說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。

　　“你還要什么?”比爾問(wèn)。

　　喬治看著信封說(shuō)：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

　　3、Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　大五個(gè)月

　　第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

　　“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。

　　“十八，長(zhǎng)官�！奔s翰說(shuō)。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

　　約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月�！�

　　4、West Point

　　My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

　　One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

　　父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場(chǎng)陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開(kāi)始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的`學(xué)員。幾名游客問(wèn)新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來(lái)讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又�，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)會(huì)得到什么�！�

　　一對(duì)中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問(wèn)她是否愿意擺個(gè)姿勢(shì)照相。他們解釋說(shuō)：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒(méi)來(lái)西點(diǎn)軍校錯(cuò)過(guò)了什么�！�

　　5、Present for Girlfriend

　　At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

　　The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

　　送給女友的禮物

　　在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買(mǎi)了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物�！耙野阉拿挚淘谏厦鎲�?”珠寶商問(wèn)道。

　　那名顧客想了一會(huì)兒，然后說(shuō)道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛(ài)’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”

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