最新很有意思的英語笑話
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1 Teacher: Cassandra, if I saw a man beating a donkey and I stopped him, what virtue would I be demonstrating?
Cassandra: Brotherly love?
老師：Cassandra，如果我看見有人在毆打一頭驢，我制止了他，我顯示出了什么美德?
Cassabdra：兄弟般的關(guān)愛?
2 One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她："放點(diǎn)奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那只老鼠的。"
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進(jìn)了夾子。
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發(fā)現(xiàn)鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片
3 A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.
"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
長壽秘訣
一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。
“我無意中發(fā)現(xiàn)，你是多么幸福，”那女士說。“你幸福而長壽的秘密是什么?”
“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士說。“你高壽?”
“二十六。”
4 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot!
It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一個學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的?”他的一個朋友問他。
“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的'鐘”，學(xué)生回答。“
這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。
“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡!現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點(diǎn)鐘了!”
5 Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.
Mary: Why was that?
Mike: She wasn't wearing one.
麥克：一次舞會上，當(dāng)大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具時，她非常尷尬。
瑪麗：為什么會那樣呢?
麥克：她根本就沒有帶面具
6 There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.
曾經(jīng)有一個完美男人和一個完美女人，它們邂逅于一個完美的聚會。完美的約會持續(xù)了兩年，然后他們舉行了完美的婚禮，并度過了完美的蜜月。之后他們有了兩個完美的孩子。
一天，完美男人和完美女人駕著他們那完美的轎車出行。他們在路邊看到一個精靈，由于他們是完美男女，于是他們載了精靈一程。
由于完美男人和完美女人載上了精靈，他們不知何故發(fā)生了交通意外。其中二死一生。
猜猜誰過世了而誰活了下來?
當(dāng)然是完美女人活了下來，因?yàn)橥昝滥腥撕途`根本就是虛幻的。
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