幽默英語(yǔ)笑話

時(shí)間：2020-09-12 15:19:37 英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

2016幽默英語(yǔ)笑話精選

　　導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：經(jīng)常講一些笑話，不僅能給自己到來(lái)快樂(lè)，還能感染他人，這里小編收集整理了2016幽默英語(yǔ)笑話精選，一起來(lái)看看吧!

2016幽默英語(yǔ)笑話精選

　　1 Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

　　"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

　　"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

　　"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

　　中文翻譯：

　　一個(gè)看起來(lái)很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。

　　"大夫!"他說(shuō)，"幫幫我!一個(gè)月前我吞了一分硬幣!"

　　"天哪，"大夫說(shuō)，"早干嘛去了?你當(dāng)時(shí)怎么不來(lái)看?"

　　"實(shí)話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說(shuō)，"我當(dāng)時(shí)還不缺錢(qián)!"

　　2 Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過(guò)，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

　　女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

　　3 In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

　　"To be deaf," replied the boy.

　　"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

　　"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　在一次音樂(lè)學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問(wèn)其中一個(gè)男孩："音樂(lè)家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么?"

　　"耳聾，"男孩答道。

　　"胡說(shuō)!"老師氣憤地說(shuō)。

　　"怎么了，先生!難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂(lè)家貝多芬是個(gè)聾子嗎?"男孩輕蔑地反問(wèn)道。

　　4 A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

　　Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

　　The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

　　Bartender: "That should make you happy."

　　The man: "No, the month is up today!"

　　一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

　　酒吧招待："你怎么了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?"

　　男人："我們吵了一架，她說(shuō)一個(gè)月都不跟我說(shuō)話。"

　　酒吧招待："那你應(yīng)該高興才是啊!"

　　男人："不，今天是這個(gè)月的最后一天。"

　　5 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

　　女人找了老公之前都在擔(dān)憂未來(lái)。男人娶了老婆之前從來(lái)不為未來(lái)?yè)?dān)憂。

　　6 A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

　　男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢(qián)卻賣(mài)2塊，他也會(huì)買(mǎi);而對(duì)于女人，即使是不想要的.東西，要是值2塊錢(qián)卻只賣(mài)1塊，她也會(huì)買(mǎi)。

　　7 The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"

　　女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進(jìn)入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。

　　"不論是誰(shuí)，一旦違規(guī)，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什么疑問(wèn)么?"

　　這時(shí)人群中一個(gè)男同學(xué)問(wèn)道，"那么一個(gè)季度通行證需要多少錢(qián)?"

　　8 Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

　　Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.

　　男孩：我可以給你買(mǎi)杯飲料嗎?

　　女孩：你不如直接把錢(qián)給我得了。

　　9 Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

　　Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

　　醫(yī)生：聽(tīng)上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

　　病人：應(yīng)該如此。我昨晚練習(xí)了一整夜。

　　10 Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

　　Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

　　皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當(dāng)我跌落的時(shí)候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)了我做過(guò)的所有蠢事。"

　　鮑勃："你一定是從萬(wàn)丈高山上跌落的吧。"

　　11 Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

　　His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　2個(gè)男孩與祖父母一起過(guò)夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車(chē)，一張新DVD……"

　　哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什么大喊著祈禱?上帝又不聾。"

　　弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

　　12 A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"

　　"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"

　　巡警發(fā)現(xiàn)一名婦女邊開(kāi)車(chē)邊織毛衣，便開(kāi)車(chē)上前，說(shuō)："靠邊停車(chē)(套頭衫)!"

　　"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子!"

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