笑出眼淚的英語(yǔ)笑話精選

　　導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：一個(gè)人的聰明才智會(huì)在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會(huì)深深吸引他人。下面，YJBYS小編YJ給大家收集整理了笑出眼淚的英語(yǔ)笑話精選，增加幽默細(xì)胞，聰明的你一定會(huì)成為閃光點(diǎn)。

　　1 How much English can you speak?

　　"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

　　The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

　　The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

　　中文翻譯

　　"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會(huì)說(shuō)幾個(gè)英語(yǔ)單詞。"

　　法官看了看被告，問(wèn)道："你會(huì)說(shuō)多少英文?"

　　被告抬起頭，說(shuō)："把你的錢包給我!"

　　2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

　　He said, "What?"

　　丈夫給妻子看了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查結(jié)果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個(gè)字，而女人每天使用30000個(gè)。

　　妻子想了一會(huì)兒說(shuō)，女人每天說(shuō)的字?jǐn)?shù)是男人的兩倍，因?yàn)樗齻儽仨氈貜?fù)已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)的話。

　　他問(wèn)："什么?"

　　3 Boy: Is this seat empty?

　　Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

　　男孩：這個(gè)座位是空的么?

　　女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的`座位也將是空的。

　　4 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　"湯姆，你弟弟怎么了?" 媽媽在廚房里問(wèn)。"他在哭。"

　　"沒(méi)事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。"

　　"他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么?"

　　"是的。" "我?guī)退�吃完時(shí)，他也哭了。"

　　5 A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

　　The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

　　The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

　　路人甲對(duì)路人乙說(shuō)，"猜猜我兜里有幾個(gè)子兒?"

　　路人乙說(shuō)："我猜對(duì)了，你能給我一個(gè)不?"

　　路人甲說(shuō)："你要猜對(duì)了，我兩個(gè)全部給你!"

　　6 I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down."

　　一個(gè)教師在研究生工程學(xué)課堂上說(shuō)："我一眼就能看出來(lái)哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說(shuō)'下午好'的時(shí)候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"

　　7 ad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

　　Tom: Every month.

　　爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個(gè)月有28天呢?

　　湯姆：每個(gè)月都有啊!

　　8 making faces

　　Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

　　史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場(chǎng)上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。

　　這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說(shuō)："博比，我小的時(shí)候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會(huì)僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑。"

　　博比抬頭看了看老師，說(shuō)："史密斯小姐，你可別說(shuō)沒(méi)人警告過(guò)你啊。"

　　9 A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

　　While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

　　As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

　　She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

　　一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

　　當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時(shí)，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。

　　他們離開時(shí)，他的朋友對(duì)祖母說(shuō):"謝謝您的花生。"

　　結(jié)果祖母說(shuō):"唉!自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

　　10 A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.

　　He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

　　"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

　　"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

　　一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。

　　他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對(duì)比。清水里蟲子安然無(wú)恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。

　　"所以，兒子啊，"父親問(wèn)道，"得出什么結(jié)論?"

　　"恩，這說(shuō)明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會(huì)長(zhǎng)蟲了!"

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