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幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短（通用14則）
要是有一則笑話解決不了的事，那就兩則笑話，看笑話，能讓我們變得開心，以下是小編精心整理的幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短，歡迎大家分享。
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 1
At a Department Store 在百貨商店里
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
一個(gè)結(jié)巴壯漢走進(jìn)一家百貨公司問(wèn)柜員：“男……男裝部在……在哪兒?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
柜臺(tái)后的柜員看著他不搭話。
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
那男人又重復(fù)道：“男裝……裝部在……在哪兒?”柜員還是不理他。
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
壯漢問(wèn)了好幾遍柜員依舊如故。最后，壯漢氣沖沖地走了。
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”
排在后面的顧客問(wèn)那個(gè)柜員：“你怎么不答人家話呀?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
柜員說(shuō)：“你……你覺著我……我想找打……打是吧!?”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 2
摩西和耶穌
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "Whats your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一個(gè)竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個(gè)喜歡的CD機(jī)，他趕緊拿了。就在這個(gè)時(shí)候他聽到有人說(shuō)：“耶穌正在看著你�！彼罩蛛娍磥�(lái)看去，嘀咕著：“到底是什么人在說(shuō)話?”這時(shí)，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。那聲音又來(lái)了：“耶穌正在看著你�！彼愕揭粋�(gè)角落，想找出是誰(shuí)在說(shuō)話。結(jié)果看到一只鸚鵡，于是他問(wèn)鸚鵡：“是你在說(shuō)話嗎?”鸚鵡承認(rèn)了。 小賊說(shuō)：“你叫什么名字?”“摩西”。小賊說(shuō)：“什么人給鳥取這種名字?”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個(gè)給他的`羅威那犬取名為‘耶穌’的那個(gè)人啊�！�
Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didnt you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，說(shuō)：“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我?” “怎么沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面后，我就說(shuō)，他一眼就看中你了。”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 3
上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf."
To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
兩個(gè)小男孩在他們的祖父母家過(guò)夜。睡覺時(shí)間到了，這兩個(gè)小男孩跪在床上祈禱。弟弟用非常大的聲音祈禱著，“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個(gè)新游戲機(jī)……我祈求有一個(gè)新錄像機(jī)……”
他的'哥哥用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了他一下，說(shuō)：“你為什么這么大聲地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聾子。”
弟弟聽了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 4
Jimmy is three years old.
吉米3歲了。
One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"
一天，他正在窗口觀望，夜幕降臨。他突然喊道：“媽媽，媽媽，快來(lái)關(guān)窗!”
"Why? Its not cold, sonny."
“為什么?天不冷呀，寶貝�！�
"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."
“是的，媽媽，可黑夜會(huì)進(jìn)來(lái)�！�
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 5
A:what is your name? 你叫啥名?
B:Hu胡(諧音:誰(shuí))
A:you~你
B:Hu~胡
A:Who?誰(shuí)?
B:yes, I am~是，我就是
A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字
B:Hu胡啊
A:You!你!
B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊
A:So tell me about it那就告訴我啊
B:Hu!胡!
A:You! What is your name!? 你!你叫啥名?!
B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡
A:O~哦
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 6
-How much does a polar bear weigh?
-How much?
-Enough to break the ice! Hi, my name is John。
-你知道北極熊有多重嗎?
-多重呢?
-足夠破冰(雙關(guān)：打破沉默)!你好，我叫約翰~!
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 7
Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."
哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮臉�！�
Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."
亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次臉。”
Harry: "Is he crazy?"
哈里：“他瘋了嗎?”
Henry: "No, hes a barber."
亨利：“沒有，他是一名理發(fā)師�！�
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 8
“i am sorry”。
“i am sorry， too” 外國(guó)人回答。
“i am sorry three” 我道。
“what are you sorry for?” 外國(guó)人問(wèn)。
“i am sorry five” 我說(shuō)……
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 9
Returning from a golf outing(遠(yuǎn)足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?
Uncle Richie and I dont play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答復(fù)) . We just play to have fun.
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?
丈夫打完高爾夫球回來(lái)，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門口迎了上去。爸爸，誰(shuí)贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔?
我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，丈夫推諉說(shuō)。我們打球只是為了好玩而已。
莎拉毫不氣餒，又問(wèn)：那么，爸爸，誰(shuí)覺得更好玩呢?
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 10
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的'閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”
另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走�！�
第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒有再回來(lái)過(guò)。”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 11
拍賣!
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.
我們決定賣掉我們的房子。于是，我們就在院前的.大樹上釘了兩塊牌子，上面寫著:“拍賣�！睕]過(guò)多久，我們的門鈴就響了。一位年輕人問(wèn):“你們的樹想賣多少錢?”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 12
"Im going to draw a picture of God," a four-year-old girl said to her teacher.
一個(gè)4歲的女孩對(duì)老師說(shuō)：“我要畫一幅上帝的畫像。”
"But nobody knows what God looks like," the teacher said.
老師說(shuō)：“可誰(shuí)也不知道上帝長(zhǎng)什么模樣�！�
"They will know when Ive finished," came the reply.
“等我畫好后，他們就會(huì)知道的'。“小女孩回答說(shuō)。
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 13
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I dont mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure theyre running!"
在開普吉拉多市的東南密蘇里州立大學(xué)上學(xué)的時(shí)候，我喜歡的幾個(gè)老師之中有一個(gè)以他的幽默感而出名。給新生上頭一節(jié)課，他給學(xué)生解釋在他課上的`紀(jì)律，他說(shuō)：“我知道我的課經(jīng)常會(huì)很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你們?cè)谡n上看表。然而，我堅(jiān)決不允許你們把表重重的摔在課桌上，以此來(lái)檢查你的表是不是還在走�！�
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短 14
尷尬
My parents tour leader asked everyone to put their large suitcases outside their hotel rooms at bed time so the bus could be loaded for an early departure the next morning. Mom laid out their travelling clothes，repacked their things，took out her hearing aid and went to bed. Dad stepped into the hall to line up their luggage and the door clicked shut behind him，leaving him there in only his underwear.
我父母的導(dǎo)游負(fù)責(zé)人讓大家在晚上睡覺前把箱子放在飯店的房門外。這樣，化們可以在次日的凌晨早裝車，早出發(fā)。媽媽鋪開了旅行時(shí)穿的衣服，重新打了包。取下了助聽器睡覺去了。爸爸要去大廳放行李，門咔嚓一下在他身后撞上了。他只穿著內(nèi)褲，束手無(wú)策。
"It sure was embarrassing，“he told us later.”Your mother couldnt hear me，so I had to go downstairs and across the street to the office to get another key.”
他事后告訴我們:“我的確很尷尬。你媽媽她又聽不見，沒辦法，我只好下樓穿過(guò)街到辦公室去要另一把鑰匙�！�
"But, Grandpa.”our son piped up.”What about the clothes in the suitcase you put in the hall?"
“但是，爺爺，”我們的兒子說(shuō):“那么你為什么不穿放在大廳的'箱子里的衣服呢?”
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