搞笑英語笑話錦集
英語笑話帶來的笑可能會(huì)影響控制血糖濃度的神經(jīng)內(nèi)分泌系統(tǒng)。 俗話說“笑一笑，十年少”!下面由YJBYS小編為大家整理的英語笑話，希望你快樂。
Two roaches 兩只蟑螂
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
兩只蟑螂正在一條小巷的垃圾堆上大吃著，其中的一只談起了它在一家新開張的餐館里的經(jīng)歷。“那時(shí)我在街對(duì)面的.那家新餐館里，”它說。“那里太干凈了!廚房沒有一點(diǎn)污漬，地面閃著白光。任何地方都沒有垃圾。那里是如此干凈，整個(gè)地方都在發(fā)光。”“請(qǐng)不要在我吃東西的時(shí)候說這個(gè)好嗎?”另一只蟑螂不悅地說。
What Was It She Wanted?
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.
一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽見一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么?” “雨，”店員說。
A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡
“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。
“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩”
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”
“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "No!"
"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫舉行義賣, 并把所有的錢給窮人，我能進(jìn)天堂嗎?”我問主日學(xué)校的孩子。
孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”
“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，并且把東西都收拾得干凈整潔，我會(huì)上天堂嗎?”
回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續(xù)問, “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”
一個(gè)五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”
I Want Her to go Nuts
Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you're not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我?guī)е@石耳環(huán)、鉆石項(xiàng)鏈、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”
“但你現(xiàn)在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”
“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會(huì)立刻再婚。我要讓那個(gè)女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋。”
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