雙語幽默英語笑話
可憐的男人
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎么了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊!"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最后一天。"
我可以回家了
Now i can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
一天，放學以后，老師對他的'學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就準許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問：“誰涂的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見。”
太黑了 看不見
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開著呢?” 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：“媽，廚房里太黑了，我根本就看不見。”
How much English can you speak?
你會說什么
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文?"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我!"
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