經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話大全
there's only ONE policeman
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”
機(jī)長(zhǎng)的錄音
This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.
這是你們機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音。請(qǐng)?jiān)试S我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國(guó)航空公司602號(hào)航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時(shí)在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機(jī)的右邊向窗外看去，你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)右側(cè)的兩個(gè)引擎都已經(jīng)起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會(huì)看到那邊的機(jī)翼已經(jīng)脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那么你會(huì)看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個(gè)人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務(wù)員。這是一段錄音。
班級(jí)、情人和蠢驢
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學(xué)生見(jiàn)面，因此他在黑板上寫(xiě)道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見(jiàn)面”。一位學(xué)生看到這條通知后，覺(jué)得展示自己幽默感的機(jī)會(huì)來(lái)了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽(tīng)到笑聲，轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身走回來(lái)，看了看那位學(xué)生，又看看被改動(dòng)過(guò)的通知，不動(dòng)聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學(xué)生，教授揚(yáng)長(zhǎng)而去。
Good news or Bad news?
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫(huà)廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問(wèn)店主是否有人對(duì)他參展的`畫(huà)感興趣。
“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫(huà)家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問(wèn)了你的作品，還問(wèn)它是否會(huì)在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì)的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫(huà)作。”
“那太棒了!”畫(huà)家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì)是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之后說(shuō)：“問(wèn)那個(gè)問(wèn)題的是你的醫(yī)生”。
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