最搞笑的經(jīng)典英語笑話集
交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車，當(dāng)時他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車?yán)锢鰜聿拘阉�。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來。過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，當(dāng)我醒過來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個“S”。”
寫給上帝的信
A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.
有個小男孩非常需要50美元，他為此禱告了數(shù)周但是什么也沒發(fā)生。后來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應(yīng)該交給總統(tǒng)比較好。總統(tǒng)被逗笑了，于是指示秘書寄給小男孩5美元，因為他覺得5美元對于一個小孩來講已經(jīng)是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信里寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫家伙收了我45美元的稅。
班級、情人和蠢驢
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學(xué)生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學(xué)生看到這條通知后，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉(zhuǎn)過身走回來，看了看那位學(xué)生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學(xué)生，教授揚長而去。
開卷考試
On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.
我在加利福尼亞的圣瑪麗亞市一所社區(qū)大學(xué)讀書。期末考試那天，聽說書店在回購我們的工商管理課本�？荚嚽�，我們幾個趕忙跑到書店把書賣了，隨后，我們坐在教室里等著考試。這時候教授宣布：考慮到試題的難度，今天的考試我們決定開卷。
機長的錄音
This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.
這是你們機長的.聲音。請允許我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機的右邊向窗外看去，你將會發(fā)現(xiàn)右側(cè)的兩個引擎都已經(jīng)起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會看到那邊的機翼已經(jīng)脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那么你會看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務(wù)員。這是一段錄音。
無聊的課
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"
在開普吉拉多市的東南密蘇里州立大學(xué)上學(xué)的時候，我喜歡的幾個老師之中有一個以他的幽默感而出名。給新生上頭一節(jié)課，他給學(xué)生解釋在他課上的紀(jì)律，他說：“我知道我的課經(jīng)常會很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你們在課上看表。然而，我堅決不允許你們把表重重的摔在課桌上，以此來檢查你的表是不是還在走。”
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