經(jīng)典的英語笑話大全匯集

　　三人同舟

　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.

　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

　　三位男子在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐著。中間的一個(gè)在讀報(bào)紙，另外兩個(gè)在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，并卷線把魚抓上來。

　　一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個(gè)景象，他問中間的那個(gè)男子是否認(rèn)識(shí)其他兩位。

　　“喔，認(rèn)識(shí)，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。”

　　“那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。”

　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答說，接著就開始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動(dòng)作來。

　　As If Awakening From A Dream

　　A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "

　　A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

　　以戒酒為主題的演講比賽正在進(jìn)行，一個(gè)演講者動(dòng)情地說：“酒精可以破壞夫妻關(guān)系，甚至導(dǎo)致妻子離開自己的丈夫……”

　　這時(shí)一個(gè)男人大聲喊：“再來一瓶白蘭地!”

　　離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀(jì)還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的`，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

　　A Man Who Said No 說不的男子

　　A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

　　Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

　　At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

　　我的一位朋友看到一個(gè)男子在時(shí)代廣場(chǎng)的地鐵車站搖搖晃晃地走。那個(gè)人穿著時(shí)髦，敞著懷，一個(gè)手提箱在他的手里懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。

　　我朋友問他怎么樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說沒問題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨(dú)入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次問道：“你肯定你沒事?你在找哪個(gè)地鐵站?你需要幫忙回家嗎?”

　　他所注意的對(duì)象終于忍耐不住了，對(duì)他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開!我是便衣警察!”

　　博士與小廝

　　A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr.Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant.Dr.Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble.One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel.Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.

　　在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時(shí)常打發(fā)仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫東西，小廝沖進(jìn)了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個(gè)包裹扔在書桌上，說道：“我的女主人送給你兩只兔子。” 斯威夫特轉(zhuǎn)過身來說：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀�，F(xiàn)在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要記取這個(gè)教訓(xùn)。” 小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待回音。小廝說“進(jìn)來”。博士進(jìn)了門，走到桌旁說道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，并希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地里打的。” 小廝回答說：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關(guān)心。這兩個(gè)先令是送給你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費(fèi)給小廝。

　　醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

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