地道的英式英語笑話

時(shí)間：2020-10-05 12:06:18 英語笑話我要投稿

地道的英式英語笑話

　　冰箱里的儲(chǔ)蓄罐

地道的英式英語笑話

　　My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

　　我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿里“借錢”，她哥哥對(duì)此事感到很憤怒。

　　One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

　　一天，表妹四處尋找，最后竟然在冰箱里發(fā)現(xiàn)了撲滿。

　　Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

　　撲滿里有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產(chǎn)現(xiàn)在已被凍結(jié)。”

　　I Understand Him我懂他的話

　　While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

　　"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.

　　"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

　　"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.

　　在飯店吃飯的時(shí)候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因?yàn)樗麧M嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責(zé)備道，“沒人明白你在說什么。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫(yī)。”我丈夫解釋道。

　　我為什么逃避手術(shù)

　　A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

　　一位男士在進(jìn)行手術(shù)前被發(fā)現(xiàn)正沿著醫(yī)院的大廳逃離。

　　"What's the matter?" he was asked.

　　“發(fā)生了什么?”有人問他。

　　He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

　　男士回答道：“我聽見護(hù)士說，‘這只是一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的手術(shù)。不用擔(dān)心，我相信不會(huì)出問題的'。’”

　　"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

　　“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的?”

　　"She was talking to the damn doctor!"

　　“可她是在對(duì)那該死的手術(shù)醫(yī)生說!”

　　The Cemetery Shortcut為抄近路走墓地

　　Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

　　萬圣節(jié)派對(duì)過后，兩男人圖個(gè)樂呵，打算抄近路穿過墓地回家。

　　Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

　　走到墓地中央時(shí)，他們被從迷霧中傳來的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。

　　Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

　　正當(dāng)兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時(shí)，他們看到是個(gè)老頭拿著鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿著什么。

　　"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

　　“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以為遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在這里做什么?”

　　"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

　　“那幫白癡!”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拼錯(cuò)啦!”

　　保證沒走錯(cuò)To be on the Safe Side

　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

　　在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。

　　A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

　　幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問坐在首位的那位男士道：

　　"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

　　“對(duì)不起，請(qǐng)問我剛才出去的時(shí)候是踩著你的腳嗎?”

　　"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

　　“是的，不過沒什么關(guān)系，一點(diǎn)也不疼。”

　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

　　“噢，不，我不是這個(gè)意思。我只是想確認(rèn)一下這是不是我的那排位子。”

　　傳教士買鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看見它腿上的那些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右邊這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng);當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左邊那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩根繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。

　　誰才是有色人種

　　Dear white, something you got to know

　　親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。

　　When I was born, I was black.

　　當(dāng)我出生時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I grow up, I am black.

　　我長(zhǎng)大了，我是黑色的

　　When I’m under the sun, I’m black.

　　我在陽(yáng)光下，我是黑色的

　　When I’m cold, I’m black.

　　我寒冷時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I’m afraid, I’m black.

　　我害怕時(shí)，我是黑色的

　　When I’m sick, I’m black.

　　我生病了，我是黑色的

　　When I die, I’m still black.

　　當(dāng)我死了，我仍是黑色的。

　　you—white people,

　　你——白種人

　　When you were born, you were pink.

　　當(dāng)你出生時(shí)，你是粉紅色的

　　When you grow up, you become white.

　　你長(zhǎng)大了，變成白色的

　　You’re red under the sun.

　　你在陽(yáng)光下，你是紅色的

　　You’re blue when you’re cold.

　　你寒冷時(shí)，你是青色的

　　You are yellow when you’re afraid.

　　你害怕時(shí)，你是黃色的

　　You’re green when you’re sick.

　　你生病時(shí)，你是綠色的

　　You’re gray when you die.

　　當(dāng)你死時(shí)，你是灰色的

　　And you, call me color?

　　然后，你叫我“有色種人”?

　　錢不用找了

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時(shí)，我與一名準(zhǔn)備買東西的顧客發(fā)生了一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)論。他對(duì)購(gòu)買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價(jià)過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個(gè)有趣的詩(shī)人，這個(gè)要價(jià)是合理的。他說這是個(gè)原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價(jià)格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢不用找了。”他說。

　　咒語

　　An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

　　一個(gè)男人找到一個(gè)巫婆，要求她解開一條困擾了自己40年的咒語。

　　The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

　　巫婆說："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時(shí)候說的那句咒語。"

　　The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

　　男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現(xiàn)在宣布你們成為夫婦。’”

　　世界各地的蹩腳英語

　�、買f you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

　　日本旅館：如果您想調(diào)節(jié)您房間的溫度，請(qǐng)控制您自己。

　�、赑lease don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。