令人噴飯的英語(yǔ)幽默笑話

　　1、機(jī)場(chǎng)工作人員問(wèn)：Who are you flying with?(你坐哪家航空公司?)我答：Myself。對(duì)方大囧，一笑之后補(bǔ)充：Which airline?

　　An airport staffer asked me "Who are you flying with?" and I said "Myself." He was surprised and then laughed, adding "Which airline?"

　　原來(lái)Who在英語(yǔ)里也可以泛指航空公司等群體或組織。"Who" in English can also refer to a group or an organization such as airlines.

　　2、一個(gè)朋友去紐約問(wèn)路，管自由女神(the Statue of Liberty)叫The Free Woman!!!

　　A friend in New York City asked strangers the way to the Statue of Liberty and said "Where is the Free Woman?"!!!

　　3、在英國(guó)，一中國(guó)同學(xué)去菜場(chǎng)想買(mǎi)母雞回來(lái)燉湯喝，不會(huì)說(shuō)hen，只說(shuō)要chicken，人家指給他一個(gè)大公雞，他搖搖頭，說(shuō)：I don't want this one, I want his wife.

　　When I was in Britain, one of my Chinese classmates wanted to make some chicken soup, so he went to the grocery. He said he wanted to buy"chicken," not knowing the word "hen." So when the grocer showed him a rooster, my classmate shook his head and said"I don't want this one, I want his wife!"

　　4、美國(guó)同事問(wèn)我中午吃了啥?我想說(shuō)，吃了餐館打包的東西(應(yīng)該是doggy bag)話到嘴邊變成了dog food。他看著我狂笑三分鐘。

　　When a US colleague asked me what I had for lunch, I said "dog food," which should have been "doggy bag." He laughed wildly.

　　5、去英國(guó)時(shí)坐飛機(jī)，空姐倒完水之后我說(shuō)Thanks，空姐說(shuō)Cheers，于是我就對(duì)她舉了舉杯�？战惝�(dāng)時(shí)就驚呆了。再之后從海關(guān)到機(jī)場(chǎng)大巴司機(jī)，一路上都有人跟我說(shuō)cheers，我就疑惑了啊，我這手里也沒(méi)杯子啊怎么cheers?!

　　When I travelled by air in Britain, the stewardess served me some water and I said "Thanks", she said"cheers", then I raised my cup. She looked puzzled. Then out of the plane I found almost all people, from Customs staff to shuttle bus driver, were saying "cheers." Why cheers? I have no glass in hand!

　　英國(guó)人說(shuō)cheers表示"謝謝，再見(jiàn)"的意思。British use "cheers" as "thank you and good bye!"

　　6、One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個(gè)真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。

　　然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的.男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。

　　國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。詞很常用，大家要記得哦。

　　7、A Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

　　"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly.

　　"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　好孩子

　　小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。

　　”昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了?“

　　”我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，“他回答說(shuō)。

　　”你真是個(gè)好孩子，“媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。“再給你兩分錢(qián)�？赡銥槭裁磳�(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”

　　“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的。”

　　8、ig hands

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　tudent: Big hands.

　　大手

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?

　　學(xué)生：大手。

　　9、Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.

　　老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?湯米：四塊。老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什么呢?湯米：漢堡。

　　10、A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

　　一個(gè)小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過(guò)部隊(duì)營(yíng)房。兩名士兵想跟小家伙開(kāi)個(gè)玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牽得這么緊干什么?這樣，他就不會(huì)去參軍了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

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